Oh COME ON.

You know I only post when I want you to buy something or come somewhere or do something!

That’s how I roll, babe.

Laters.

*blows smoke into your face and struts off*

*puts out fake cigarette, runs back, apologises and kisses your hand*

But one place I will be doing one is Sydney, the birthplace of eggs. I will be discussing The Younger Man, and relationship stuff and book stuff, and answering a heck of a lot of questions.

It will take place on Thursday April 12, at Dymocks, 424 George Street, which is opposite the Apple store, and back a bit towards the QVB. Apologies to PC owners who don’t know where the Apple store is, or the fructose intolerant who avoid anything fruit-based whatsoever.

The event is, as always, free, but bookings are essential, so please call 02 9235 0155 to reserve your spot and your complementary diamond bracelet.*

Please arrive at 6 for 6:30 and wear your finest scuba gear**.

Til then, bumblebees!

*This is a lie.

**This also should be ignored.

So! Let’s get you Younger Man-ned already.

You can buy it at all good and even mediocre book stores (HA HA, as if such a thing exists) and also online via Booktopia or Amazon or Borders.com or as an eBook at all those places and more, and also on iTunes and via iBooks and gosh, she’s just scarpered all over the place, really, hasn’t she!

GOOD.

That’s precisley what I wanted.

All my love and a leather glove,

Zoe

You can read a description of the book here, or here but not here. Sadly it’s not vampire or wizard based, but as I am a vampire wizard, I have the ability to magically change the plot even after the book has been printed, so who can say?

To get you in the mood, you might like to read my first two novels, Air Kisses and Playing The Field. Or you might like to have a bath and an icy cold pina colada; I don’t know what your GD preparation preferences are!

I don’t mean to be bias (yes, I most certainly do) but I feel like it’s my best novel yet, and certainly the one I am most proud of. But don’t take my word for it, you dingus! Here’s what the people had to say:

“It’s the best account of the Balkan wars I’ve ever seen.”
- Graham Blumsdale.

“Add a dash of lime for taste!!”
- Gabi Martinez.

“I am on Facebook! LOL xxxx ”
- Jamie Kelsman

Hey, thanks, guys!!

The Younger Man, on sale February 22 (in Australia). Pre-order on Booktopia here.

I’ve never had such an exhilarating response to a book, except for maybe when I wrote Twilight, so I wanted to take a moment to thank you all each, independently. But, yknow, en masse.

Then I wanted to point out a few places you could buy it, (Dymocks, Readings, Booktopia, The Nile) as that is the single most asked question I get these days, aside of, ‘What’s that lodged in your teeth?” and, “Is that any way to dance in front of your grandparents?”

If you live outside of Australia and New Zealand, Booktopia will deliver, but TRUST THIS BIRD when I tell you I am currently trying my dingin dongin best to lock in a distributor in the US and UK.

And finally I want to take a moment to jam some videos down your throat, because if you like Amazing Face, there is an 88% chance you will enjoy these beauty how-to videos I did to accompany the book.

Like this one, on how to apply bronzer real good.

Or this one, for those interested in sexy, rumpled, Second Day Hair texture.

Then there’s this one on a cheaty, fast smoky eye.

Oh, and this one on how to make your eyes look very wide-awake indeed.

And this one, which encourages you to fake winged eyeliner in a way that people who can do it legitimately will be annoyed by.

And finally, this one, which concerns beautiful, big, gorgeous eyes.

Thanks again, you gorgeous little squids!

Come by, why don’t you! That’s what an awesome person would do.

MONDAY JUNE 27

Place: Sydney University Co-op book shop

Address: SUSF Centre, Building G09, Cnr Codrinton and Darlington Rd, University of Sydney.

Time: 4:30 pm

Dress code: Definitely wear clothes.

No bookings required.

TUESDAY JUNE 28

Place: Dymocks Collins St

Address: 234 Collins St, Melbourne

Time: 6:30 pm

Dress code: No fishing vests.

Book at the Dymocks website.

WEDNESDAY JUNE 29

Place: David Jones cosmetics floor, Bourke Street Mall David Jones, Melbourne city

Time: 12:30

Dress code: No sunflowers in lapels.

The first 40 to arrive and buy the book score a sweet goody bag.

THURSDAY JUNE 30

Place: Mary Ryan’s Milton

Address: 40 Park Rd, Milton, Brisbane

Time: 6:15 pm

Dress Code: Cottons, synthetics and delicates only.

Book at the Mary Ryan’s website.

FRIDAY JULY 1

Place: David Jones Cosmetics floor, David Jones, Queen St Mall, Brisbane.

Time: 12:30 pm

Dress Code: July appropriate clothing.

The first 40 to arrive and buy the book score a sweet goody bag.

SATURDAY JULY 2

Place: David Jones Cosmetics Floor, David Jones Bondi Junction, Sydney.

Time: 12:30 pm

Dress Code: No fruit turbans.

The first 40 to arrive and buy the book score a sweet goody bag.

See you there, you sweet little rascals!

As we all know, because we wrote it down, and some of us (“Mum”) had it tattooed on the small of their back, it’s on sale June 27, but – and I may get into trouble with the Book Release Date Mafia for this – it usually sneaks onto shelf a few days before that, Look sharp men! Look sharp.

Here’s the cover again, so you know exactly what to ask for at the bookshop:

No, wait. Too fallic and wood-choppy.

This is the cover:

I will be doing some appearances and answering some beauty questions and arrogantly signing some copies of Amazing Face at a few instores in Sydney, Brisbane and Melbourne (APOLOGIES TO ADELAIDE, PERTH AND MUDGEE) and will post when and what time and the best lipstick and most fun nail shade to wear when I have the final details.

How fun! How massively fun.

Man. That will come in so handy.

In other exciting news, I can now share the title – Amazing Face – and cover of my next book, on sale June.

(I’m still not sure which was the more exciting news, which is why I mentioned both.)

Amazing Face is a collection of all my favourite and most useful and most exciting and most dinner-party-coversationy beauty tips and tricks from my years as a beauty editor and is perfect for:

• Teenage girls who never learned how to wear makeup properly, and wear far too much black kohl!
• Women in their sixties who could look like they’re in their late forties with some new foundation and lipstick!
• Girls who enjoy the look of winged eye liner but who are shit at doing it!
• Ladies who’d like to have a fantastic blow-dried hairstyle in half the time!
• Men who want to delight the women in their life with a magnificent gift!
• People who are a bit dyslexic and thought the cover read ‘Amazing Race’ and buy it because they’re fans of the TV show!

It will be instore late June, and I don’t mean to offend, but if you don’t buy it, you’re a moron.

If you managed to miss that bit of name-calling and aggressive sales-pitchery, may I suggest you read one of my other books in the meanwhile?

Terrific! Thanks!

Great top.

Is it new? It really brings out your eyes, you know. You should totally wear it every day! Ha ha ha! Imagine that. People would think you had no other clothes! And also you would start to smell a bit! But your eyes would look fantastic.

So here’s what’s happening. I just had some delicious French toast and an interesting take on maple syrup, which I suspect was not, as the name suggests, created from the pulp of fresh maple berries.

In non-breakfast related news, I am no longer blogging here, (if you can call uploading a few of my Cosmo columns blogging, which according to state law, you can not), I am doing it over at zoefoster.tumblr.com. Judging by your excellent taste in clothing, I am almost one hundred percent sure you will enjoy it so much you might wish to take it to first or even second base.

Of course, I still edit-at-large for PRIMPED, and write a beauty blog critics are calling, ‘self-indulgent’ and ‘arrogant’ and a ‘waste of HTML.’

In terms of my fantastic books, you can read all about what I’m up to here.

No, wait, I mean here.

In short: New book on sale in June. Start asking your mum for some chores so you have enough pocket money to buy it, why don’t you.

Did I mention how great you look today?

From your friend and mine,

Zoe